Last week, I took a page out of the gambler's handbook by professionally taking Alabama to cover and recreationally placing a little bit of my own not-so-hard-earned money on Tennessee. I looked like an idiot but felt like a genius for about a half, and then the script flipped. I'll accept the victory, but I'm not very happy about it.

The rest of the week was ho-hum, but as always, I have an unreasonable optimism that this will be the week. I was mistaken when I said that LSU and Bama played this week, so I'm going to warn you that there might be a repeat of a prediction I made last week. Sue me.

Now, here's six things that I KNOW will be true in Week 9.

 

1. Let's start off with a bang. Vanderbilt beats Arkansas at home.

Let's be honest, I make Rex Ryan look like Nostradamus when it comes to guarantees, but this game just wreaks upset to me. I think the two most likely outcomes are either an Arkansas blowout win or a Vanderbilt upset, and I don't see much middle ground here so I went upset. These aren't your grandmother's guarantees folks.

2. Georgia beats Florida, and the Tampa Plant connection (Aaron Murray and Orson Charles) connect for two scores.

Last year, Aaron Murray and Orson Charles hooked up six times for 108 yards and a touchdown, and this year they are a year older and a year wiser. Oh, and Florida's secondary is young. They certainly have some talent, but youth could be an issue. Georgia is rolling right now, and Florida is reeling so I like the Dawgs here. Georgia just may emerge with an SEC East title now that USCe is missing Marcus Lattimore.

3. Tennessee true freshman quarterback Justin Worley throws for two touchdowns.

This is more of a prayer than a guarantee but I have a feeling on this. However, it should be noted that touchdown passes don't necessarily mean you play well. I can also see Worley turning the ball over a few times and I can't see a lot of yardage piling up for the freshman against the SEC's No. 1-ranked pass defense.

4. South Carolina wins outright in Knoxville over Tennessee.

It never ceases hurting when I have to pick Tennessee to lose, but it's a hazard of the job. South Carolina losing Lattimore means that Tennessee could potentially make this thing interesting, but in the end, Tennessee's offense minus Tyler Bray and Justin Hunter just can't score enough to pull this one out. For the record, if SCAR is minus Lattimore and Bray and Hunter are healthy, I think we'd have a different story. See what I have to resort to just to make myself feel better about the Vols?

5. Auburn covers -12.5 at home against Ole Miss.

Auburn played awful against LSU last week, but I can't help but wonder if the fine folks at the MGM Mirage have actually seen Ole Miss play this week. Don't let the illusion of Ole Miss nearly upsetting Arkansas fool you, they're bad, and Houston Nutt seems like he should probably turn to drinking heavily (if he hasn't already.) Now that I've insulted the MGM and the Nutt-job, I think I'll go into hiding because I imagine one of the two will show up at my house to break my legs.

6. Someone has to win their first SEC game between MSU and Kentucky, but there is no way they go over 42.

I'll take Mississippi State to win for the record, but who really cares about that. This is the first of two back-to-back suckfests between Kentucky and a team in Mississippi and I think you all know that I'm pretty excited. This doesn't happen often during football season, but I can ALSO guarantee at least eight Kentucky football references on my Twitter account over the next two weeks. Now, back to the topic. These offenses are both terrible so I'd encourage you to take the under because they only way they go over 42 is if Mississippi State scores at least 34.